Everyday Buddhism 116 - Revisiting Koans: Releasing the Grip on "Reality"

As some of you have noticed and commented on, I haven't been as active in releasing podcast episodes. A few listeners were worried about me and, for your concern, I am grateful. I plan to get back to more timely podcast releases, with quite a few on my schedule, but in the meantime, I will re-run some podcast episodes so my podcast listeners will know I haven’t disappeared … and to that end I will be releasing 2 early episodes: Episode 11 and Episode 12 on koans.

I decided to re-release these two episodes on koans as a double episode for Episode 116, because I've been practicing with koans for a few weeks now, through the guidance of Henry Shukman and his meditation app, "The Way." As an additional note, Henry will be joining me on the podcast in July. I am quite excited to have him as a guest.

Something I wanted to share with you about my recent practice with koans. To frame it, it's as if my life after falling on the ice in December and spending a couple of days in the hospital, shook the puzzle pieces I frame my reality in and left all the pieces in a heap at the bottom of the puzzle box. I started my second book, Living Life As It Is, and it seemed as if a frame on life was coming into view.

But then, other odd health challenges appeared and altered my ability to do some things and caused enforced rest. The last of those was the flu/virus thing that was like a whack on the back of my head, saying, "Slow down. Stop. Rest."

This time corresponded with my koan practice and the latest fascist escapades of our new "regime." The more I sunk into koan practice, the more all of life seemed a bit hazy—without definition and without anything to grasp on to as something I didn't or did like. Things just were. Everything without definition.

Some of the koans I've been working with are "Not knowing is most intimate", "A bowl of rice, a bucket of water", "How do you go straight on a road with 99 turns?" Sitting with those helped create a sense of security and OK-ness in my new hazy world. A not knowing that feels like knowing everything in a non-conceptual way. A bowl of rice. What else? That's enough. And 99 turns … like my teacher, Rev. Gyomay Kubose taught, "Every day, one thing after another."

So enjoy the re-release of the two koan episodes and in the meantime, I encourage you all to see how you can not grasp and unhook from things you think you need to hold tightly to. Think about the ways you can care for yourselves. It can be easy to get lost in the demands of daily life and the overwhelming noise of the dysfunctional and crazy-scary reality we are now living in.